on depression

It’s been a long break since I’ve written here and I have a confession to make- Except for a few charity blocks and darning some holes in my Steven’s pockets, I haven’t sewn anything. Since March, it would seem. I’m notorious for getting depressed in January, but I usually manage to pull myself out of it by the end of February.

I remember back in my senior year of high school, I didn’t go to the first two and a half weeks of the Spring semester because I just couldn’t make myself. I sat in the backyard whittling. YES! Whittling. (When I was a little kid, my favorite TV shows were This Old House and The Woodwright’s Shop with Roy Underhill.) Anyways, I commandeered a fixed blade knife from Dad’s shop and carved all sorts of crap from the limbs of a big tree in the front yard. And then one day, I woke up and everything seemed all right again. I went to school like normal.

What I took away from this experience is that the greatest tool I have at my disposal to get away from depression and sadness is my creativity. Putting my two hands to work on something-ANYTHING- has pulled me out of the depths more times than I like to admit. And I’ve found that my brightest, most cheerful works happen when I’m feeling as low as possible. My hands create what my heart cannot. Here it is, almost August, and I’m still feeling my January sad. I think the difference this time is that I have had no desire to quilt. Or draw. Or dance. Or write. All of these things I love and all of them are a passion, but they haven’t helped me, as of yet.

So, I’m going to try an experiment. I’m going to force myself to sew. Maybe if I can get my hands going, it’ll jumpstart everything else? What am I going to sew? Let me back up and say that there are two quilters who truly inspire me- Debbie Kakalia (may she rest in peace) and her Hawaiian works of art who first showed me quilts don’t have to be all squares and triangles and calico. And Kathy Doughty, whose fearless love of color and bold compositions taught me that it’s okay to make quilts that look decidedly different from everyone else. I’ve decided whatever I make is going to be in the spirit of both these quilters. And one morning, while sitting in bed and pondering my predicament, I saw a blurb about the NYC Modern Quilt Guild’s Double Wedding Ring challenge. Something clicked inside me and I felt inspiration that I haven’t felt in a long time. So, I plan to drag my stubborn self all the way through this project kicking and screaming!

This week is going to be spent drafting a pattern and I’ll check in here to show y’all what I’m doing. After that, I’ll get to sewing. FINALLY. Maybe posting to this blog will help hold me accountable…

Anyway, I know this post has been a little too heavy to hear, but it’s the only way I could think of to start back up again. Thank you for your patience and sticking with me! r

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4 thoughts on “on depression

  1. mindingmomma says:

    I understand how hard it can be to get going again. I hope this project lifts you back up and carries you through the next season too. Anxious to see what you put together.

  2. Boo! I don’t see you as a sad person but maybe I instead see how amazingly talented that you are that sometimes that is all I see. I guess I should look harder. Funny, when I do see you, I am like, I’m talking to Rebecca, and she’s awesome, and a little snarky like me. I hope you do sew some things, I looked at the wedding ring challenge too but didn’t want to buy the templates, maybe I will play along with you if you double dog dare me. Get your stitch on because you have adoring fans to appease, like me. Sending love your way, also on a side note, I love LOVE the arrow needle logo. Dope. You never disappoint.

    • rebecca says:

      Thank you, Lily! I wish I had your energy- workin’ & sewin’ and harvestin’ all them cellulite covered tomatoes! Or was it stretch mark tomatoes? I forget, but they were frightening, nevertheless. And I made an animated version of that bow shooting a needle & it sews a line of stitches, but I have nowhere to put it! Oh well.

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